From Beth: I spoke to Ryan's lovely gf [Editor's note: Ryan's lovely gf is called 'Lady.']
(whose email address I don't have) this afternoon and we discussed the possibility of a weekend day trip to assuage my burning desire for a real live vacation and to make up for the South Carolina trip we had tenitively planned which is not to be.[Ed. There was a South Caroline trip that was tenitively planned and is not to be.]
Stanley and I seem to think a trip a la Beth/Ryan/Stanley Beach Extravaganza of aught 5 is in order,[Ed. I don't know what 'aught 5' means. And I'm the Editor.]
although Lady also mentioned the possiblility of heading somewhere closer to her mother who apparently also lives near the beach. So what say you too? I wanna go. I think we should keep it small with just us four.
I most empathetically second the motion, and further move to contact Ryan via telephone, lest we wait till next week when he finally gets on these internets again.[Ed. Ryan doesn't use the internet much. Subsequently, he doesn't read his email. Or, for that matter, blogs. This makes him unlike you.]
From Ryan: Ryan is in, but wishes to emphasize the importance that this day trip occurs within the relaxing confines of August, and not September, the slutbitch.
From Stanley: Well, I believe Beth is aiming for this Saturday, which meets your stipulated criteria. Are you free?
From Ryan: I would kinda rather not do it this Saturday, but I don't have a good reason. There's just a lot of shit, ifyouknowwhatimean. Is there another option?
From Lady: I'm game for anything, because I don't work, go to school, or have to move apartments at the moment. Ya'll should try it sometime. If not beach this weekend, perhaps beach the weekend of August 19th. If not beach that weekend, perhaps a fun day of tubing/not-being-within-20-miles-of-Charlottesville? Furthermore, I went to the dentist today, and I've never had someone torture my gums quite like that techy-lady did. And then she told me my gums are receding. I hate the dentist.[Ed. I recently learned that one should brush in a light, circular pattern, as opposed to a quick, rough side-to-side motion. I also recently learned that when you brush and your gums bleed, this is not good. But then I ALSO remember hearing that when you floss and your gums bleed, it is, in the grander scheme of things, good. This is all very confusing.]
From Stanley: You will all be shocked to learn that I have to work on the 19th. And I need to go to the dentist. And my life is falling apart.
From Ryan: OK FINE WHATEVER. I see that nobody is seriously considering placating me. WTF? Let's go ahead and do it Saturday. I can't promise I'll be nice, but I will take up a seat in the car, and I can probably locate a Frisbee and some beer coozies.
From Stanley: FINE> IT'S MOTHERFUCKING SETTLED WE'RE GOING TO THE GODDAMNED BEACH THIS SATURDAY AND EVERYBODY WILL HAVE A GOOD FUCKING TIME, EXCEPT RYAN, WHO APPARENTLY ALREADY HAS SAND IS HIS BUTTCRACK FUCKING ASSHOLE. I hope it doesn't rain though. For serious.[Is it really uncouth to use all caps on the internet? Is that just Instant Messenger? When you see all caps, do you think someone is screaming?]
From Ryan: If someone brought that paddle game with the ball that would be sweet.
From Stanley: That game blows. But maybe Beth or Lady have it.
From Beth: I like the drinkbeer game better personally. My main goal for Saturday is actually to move as little as possible, unless it is between the water and my towel, but then again, mucho beer means clouded judgment and quite possibly thinking something like the paddle/ball game is fun.[The paddle/ball game is fun.]
but i dont own it. and likely will not purchase it. unless it is friday night and Stanley and i are out stocking up on supplies and he convinces me it's a good idea. but it sounds like he would not.
speaking of supplies. we will be stocking up. suggestions from the peanut gallery? thus far i think were bringing sammich supplies and beer.[When I spellchecked 'sammich' I got 'Jamaica'.]
i, of course, will throw something sugary and delicious in there as well. what else?
From Lady: i have a football and some tennis balls, and i know where to get a rockin' $0.69 kite that takes 15 minutes to assemble and lasts for about 3 minutes after that. also, i can get a large cooler. i'm game for beer, for Ryan's recently bottled pinot tage (sp???),[Lady spelling 'pinot tage' is massively incorrect.]
for some gatorade. i can bring whatever, just let me know. music? a small radio?
also, once the departure time has been set, let me know...i have to water my parents' 1,000 potted plants before we leave sat morn, so i need fair warning. ps i will also bring 5 lbs. of trashy, celebrity magazines. yeah!
From Stanley: I've got music covered (cd player with a small speaker, which is
iPod-compatible, too, for those who wish to bring one of them gadgets).
I leave all the balls to Lady, since Ryan has, apparently, none. *Swish*[Damn.]
I move for leaving seriously early (e.g., 6am). We can do it. I can drive
that early, and it'll be so worth it.
We have a big cooler, too. Perhaps we can do food in one and drinks in
another? This should all get assembled Friday (tomorrow) night.
Pre-beach meeting at our house? Or yours?
From Lady: 6 AM is hardcore, and i like it... i'm going to want/need/be scratching at the car ceiling for some coffee...[As the Editor, I should mention that by no liberal stretching of the rules of the English language does that sentence work.]
can we stop somewhere? consequently, i will also have to pee 30 minutes later (45 minutes later if i'm too timid to ask Stanley to pull over)...hope that is okay. okay, i'll stop talking about my bladder.
From Beth: ok so 6am (ISH!) we meet tomorrow morning
we will stop soon thereafter for your coffee fix. likely at someplace that sells greasy breakfast sanwiches so i can have my long car ride fast food fix
From Stanley: Hardcore is how it's done, son. Plus, realistically, this builds in times for almost-certain delays. Coffee and urination will be inputted and outputted as meets the needs of the group. No need to be timid about either one. Anyone down for the great cooler stockfest this evening? We could go shopping together and get everything ready this evening to save time in the morning.AND THEN THEY WENT