Thursday, July 30, 2009

Actually, the guy could sing pretty well.

Bad: feeling mildly annoyed by what I assume is the hippie dudes downstairs playing reggaeton beats on a hand drum at 10am. I mean, I'm awake, but I could stay in bed for a bit. You're harshing my vacation buzz, hippie dudes!

Worse: turning off the A/C unit only to realize that it's some guy further down the block who's playing "Jungle Songs!" to a group of pre-schoolers. Now I'm the terrible person, because, obviously, I hate children.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

At the café, while waiting on line, of course.

In my apparently continuing series of Stanley's Unique Snowflake Observations About New York City, I noticed something about coffee orders.

I tend to order coffee with a bit more milk than average, and back home I order this as "coffee with plenty of room." That order doesn't always work in NYC, as a lot of baristas tend to put the milk in for you, so my order has been this awkward-sounding "coffee with skim milk; like, a pretty good amount of it."

However! yesterday I heard another patron order "coffee light with skim milk," which I confirmed is exactly what I want. I just didn't know how to order it un-clumsily.

But now I do, and it's a pleasant phrase to boot.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009


Grocery shopping after work, I heard one of the cashier's page the manager, whose name, I gathered, was Hope, over to his register: "Hope to register six. Hope to register six."

My first thought was, "Comin' right up, buddy. Headin' your way."

Friday, July 10, 2009

Important Advice for the Residents of, and Visitors to, the District of Columbia

If you happen to find yourself lost and pulling a trailer and looking for the way home, drive towards the Capitol. I assure you that you will be promptly stopped, and the polite police person, who was five seconds ago prepared to shoot you, will then tell you how to get to 66.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

This is probably not as important as some people seem to think.

More work needs to be done to dispel the notion that no one in New York City toasts bagels. I was just asked, nay, prompted about the matter by a seeming veteran of bagel toasting.