Tuesday, August 09, 2011


In the old downtown where I live there's a hardware store which I have to believe would rank well in the "Most Ridiculous Hardware Stores on the Planet, Managed By Some Real Ornery Good Ol' Boys" competition. Nichol's Hardware sells everything you need, but you'll never find any of it. The last time they organized the store was the day before it opened in 1915. Additional property has been bought, and in it they haphazardly toss bug spray next to PVC pipe next to whiffleball bats next to vegetable seed. They sell $14 machetes and $6.99 cast iron skillets, nails by the pound, plumbing hardware not used since the 50s. When I wanted a long measuring tape, the guy showed me five different samples, all coming from five radically different part of the store. I once walked in and asked where the buckets were. "Buckets? We don't sell no buckets, boy."

They're* making a documentary about Nichols. Donations are accepted at the Saturday farmer's market. Each week I donate. I can't imagine a more boring documentary. I can't wait.

*I have no idea who.


Blogger The Modesto Kid said...

"We don't sell no buckets, boy" is an awesome line. I can only hope the manager of the Corner Parking Lot will be in the movie, dropping in to buy some hardware for his parking lot.

There is a hardware store like that in West Orange, except it's only one guy that runs it and he's pretty young, and it's a newish business -- Probably 15 years old or less. The guy who runs it knows where every thing is, but I have no idea how he can maintain that knowledge.

9/8/11 1:03 PM  
Blogger Stanley said...

plumbing hardware not used since the 50

If you haven't used your plumbing since the 1950s, you're definitely not getting enough fiber.

Also: Ryan!

9/8/11 1:07 PM  

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