Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Saline Solution

When the air at work gets really bad (we have a mold problem), I reach into my desk drawer, where I keep extra condiments. Among the ketchup and soy sauce (you never know when you'll need some and it's a waste to throw them out right?) I find a salt packet and report to the nearest bathroom.

Cupping my left hand I pour in the salt packet, careful not to lose any. I turn on the faucet and let the water get warm. Into my cupped hand dribbles warm water until I have a milky white solution staring back at me. I turn off the faucet. I insert my nose into the cupped hand. And I sniff as hard as I possibly can.

S-N-I-F-F!-!-!

Saltwater surges through my nostrils and then crashes down onto the back of my throat. It burns like holy high hell, and I'm overwhelmed by a fit of uncontrollable coughing. The spasms and nose-mouth-drippping drool and chaos and disaster seem to last a full hour, but it's probably more like 30 seconds.

I blow my nose hard -- really hard -- and I wipe my eyes. Looking up into the mirror I think: "There, now doesn't that feel better, honey?"

4 Comments:

Blogger Ryan said...

they way you describe it makes it seem like it should be illegal

21/3/06 9:13 PM  
Blogger Stanley said...

I think the workplace conditions are illegal, but OSHA has no backbone these days. So that's that.

21/3/06 10:02 PM  
Blogger Beth said...

I'd just like to point out that, if I remember correctly, you totally thought I was nuts the first time I tried this at home.

21/3/06 10:11 PM  
Blogger Stanley said...

You are correct. I am a convert. Thank you, Beth. You're the best (sometimes).

21/3/06 10:48 PM  

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