Saturday, September 02, 2006

It's like I won the lottery

I got this email yesterday and have been on cloud nine ever since. I've already bought a new bed (awesome soft breathing mattress, a remote control that changes the softness based on the needs of you or your partner) and a nice flat-screen TV. And I took Lady to Applebees, and we got dessert. Bling. Check it out:

ATTN:
Dear Sir/M,
I am Mr. David Mark. an Auditor of a BANK OF THE NORTH INTERNATIONAL, ABUJA (FCT). I have the courage to Crave indulgence for this important business believing that you will never let me down either now or in the future.
[Although I don't quite understand the "courage to crave indulgence" part, I assume it's because David Mark is from Abuja, where I doubt English is the primary language, although I don't know, because I've never heard of Abuja. But I certainly appreciate that he's making an effort to write well in my language. And it goes without saying that I will always try my best to never let anybody down.]
Some years ago, an American Mining consultant/contractor with the Nigeria National Petroleum Corporation made a numbered time (fixed deposit for twelve calendar months, valued $12M.USD (TWELVE MILLION US DOLLARS) in an account. On maturity, the bank sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, The bank sent another reminder and finally his contract employers, the Nigerian National Petroleum Corporation, wrote to inform the bank that he died without MAKING A WILL, and all attempts by the American Embassy to trace his next of kin was fruitless.
[That's so sad that this man had no family and nobody to leave his fortune to. I can't imagine.]
I, therefore, made further investigation and discovered that the beneficiary was an immigrant from Jamaica and only recently obtained American citizenship. He did not declare any kin or relations in all his official documents, including his Bank deposit paper work.
[It's uplifting to know that a jamaican immigrant could make it rich like that. That's what this country is all about.]
This money total amount $12M.USD ( TWELVE MILLION US DOLLARS)
[Jesus Christ!]
is still sitting in my bank as dormant Account. No one will ever come forward to claim it, and according to Nigerian Banking policy, after some years, the money will revert to the ownership of the Nigerian Government if the account owner is certified dead.
[That's an interesting policy of the Nigerian Bank.]
This is the situation, and my proposal is that I am looking for a foreigner who will stand in as the next of kin to beneficiary, and OPEN a Bank Account abroad to facilitate the transfer of this money. This is simple, all you have to do is to OPEN an account anywhere in the world and send me its detail for me to arrange the proper money transfer paperwork, and facilitate the transfer.
[I don't know. Can this be legal? I don't want to get in any trouble pretending to be somebody I'm not.]
The money will then be paid into this Account for us to share in the ratio of 60% for me, 35 % for you and 5% for expenses that might come up during transfer process. There is no risk at all, and all the paper work for this transaction will be done by me using my position and connections in the banks in Nigeria.
[David Mark says there's no risk, and I guess I have no reason not to beleive him. I can't find my calculator, but 35% of 12 million has got to be a lot. Plus, I'll give most of it to charity, and I'll bet the Nigerian Government would spend it on guns.]
This business transaction is guaranteed.
[I like guarantees.]
And the first phase of the transfer will be ($4M.USD) FOUR MILLION DOLLARS as advised by our insider in the bank.
[It helps that we have an insider in the bank. That's always key.]
If you are interested, please reply immediately through my personal email sending the following details: (1) Your Full Name/Address (2) Your Private Telephone/fax Number. Please observe the utmost confidentiality,
[I don't think I'm breaking confidentiality by posting this, because David Mark is not his real name, and I'm not posting his email address or anything.]
and be rest assured that this transaction would be most profitable for both of us because I shall require your
assistance to invest some of my share in your country.
[That's great! More money!]
I look forward to your earliest reply.
Yours,
Mr.David Mark.

I replied immediatly and am awaiting David Mark's call. I'm so excited about this. I am so amazingly lucky to have been emailed - and out of the blue! - out of all the people in the world! This is great. Today I'm going to the VW dealership to do some test drives!

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