Thursday, June 07, 2007

Self-effacing

Beard envy. It's a menace. I know. I encountered it today at work.

Not that my beard is great or anything. It's not. I'm at perhaps my most unkempt ever. But the envy is there, and it's breaking America's—nay, the world's—heart.

See, one of my favorite co-workers (we shall call him "Bart") told me of the days long ago when his own facial shrubbery eclipsed even the current abomination that resides among my chops and jowls. Verily, his beard, it turns out has aged more years than even I: 'twill celebrate its thirtieth year in this 2007th year since, uh, something happened. And he is saddened by its close-shorn nature of late, longing for the days of a freer thicket upon his countenance.

So, haters of the beard, friends and enemies alike who would sooner take a straight razor to my cheeks than learn a bit of history: know that I suffer for a greater cause. I suffer for the beards of yesteryear. And also, I'm lazy and shaving takes effort.

16 Comments:

Anonymous bitchphd said...

That picture is awesome. You look like a deranged homeless guy.

7/6/07 1:37 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

Dude. I'm in mourning. Didn't you read the post?

No respect for nothing this one...

7/6/07 1:41 AM  
Anonymous bitchphd said...

Is respect a virtue?

7/6/07 1:48 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

Apparently, not that you'd be concerned with that sort of thing.

A thousand beards cry.

7/6/07 1:52 AM  
Anonymous bitchphd said...

Maybe you should try using a napkin.

7/6/07 1:53 AM  
Blogger Beth said...

Cut your hair!!!

7/6/07 9:44 AM  
Blogger t(h)om said...

yeah, doesn't it get hot under all that stuff?

7/6/07 10:06 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

beth: get a job. (kidding! {sort of!})

t(h)om: no, not hot. hott.

7/6/07 10:24 AM  
Blogger Sean Tubbs said...

I applaud your beard and share your feelings of mourning.

7/6/07 11:12 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

ok, stanley. It is no secret that I am not a fan of the beard. And I usually look the other way and love you anyways. But this is just ridiculous--you look like a crazy homeless dude. LAZY!!

~andrea
(it wouldn't let me log in)

8/6/07 2:51 PM  
Blogger Stanley said...

sean gets it.

andrea, however, is objectively anti-crazy-homeless dudes.

8/6/07 2:56 PM  
Blogger eekbeat said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

8/6/07 2:59 PM  
Blogger eekbeat said...

I'm a fan--beards are teh hott.

8/6/07 3:03 PM  
Blogger The Modesto Kid said...

Especially in the summertime.

9/6/07 3:42 PM  
Blogger eekbeat said...

zing!

9/6/07 5:17 PM  
Blogger Lauren said...

Nice beard, Ray. How’s that blue ox of yours doing? I miss seeing you two.

Love,
Lauren

P.S. Please shave. No way that thing's clean.

26/6/07 4:55 PM  

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