Maturity

The wild, buccaneering, gorgeously named Ephraim Wales Bull, pictured below with the original concord grapevine. A womanizer, a moneylender, a trader of feral dogs and blackmarket hot chocolate, he bred and propagated over 20,000 grapevines native to the New England soil, and from the many, he chose one, and it was concord, a grape he deemed "the perfect grape," a grape famous across the world for nothing less than its astonishing mediocrity.



Enter, then, Dr. Thomas Welch, a Virginia dentist with a penchant for sweet milk, basement culinary tinkering, and men with beards. Dr. Welch and his wife, knowing a good thing when they saw it, ganked "the grape of the millions" from the perpetually roaming Ephraim, pasteurized it, and tossed it in the freezer. Throw in a good label and a cute kid, and therein lies the recipe for millions. Dr. Thomas Welch, one should know, never gave up his dental career. Teeth were his thirty-two true callings.



The point of all this? I'm trying to write a back label for a wine bottle, and back labels for wine bottles are boring, and I'm bored.