Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Dearest Ryan,
I am such a sad, lonely bastard. How can I find some excitement in my life?
Love to the Missus,
Friedrich Nietzsche xoxoxo

First and foremost, stop living in the fucking woods. I understand that you don't particularly like people, but I really think you'd be surprised at how many neat, time-consuming gadgets you can purchase that will make your life seem much less lonely, and you're going to have to climb down from your mountain of doom and take a cab to some at least medium-sized towns with shopping malls to get all these cool toys. Lots of toys are cheap, and while they don't actually make you any happier, they make you think you're happier, and I dare you, Niet-Niet, to point out any underlying difference between the two. I mean, have you ever played SIMON? I think you'd like it, Fred. I really think you would. And maybe you should watch an episode or two of DUCK TALES. Or SAVED BY THE BELL.

Secondly, I've read (parts of some of) your books, and while you definitely seem like you're still the life of the party and I can't wait until you're in town again so we can do butterscotch nipples and Jaeger-bombs (remember how you lost your shoes in the bathroom and couldn't remember your middle name?!?!? that was fucking sweeeet!!!!), I want to point out one line in particular that I don't think is helping you get laid:

"Woman is not yet capable of friendship: women are still cats and birds. Or at best, cows."

Now it's okay if you think that, Nietzsche-bo-Peachy, but it's not something that most chicks are going to want you to say, let alone publish in something that's going to be translated in like 72 languages and read by all the philosophy babes that I think you'd have a chance with in the first place. So try to stray from that topic next time I take you out. Just don't call girls cows, Fredster.


Blogger Stanley said...

Nietzsche rocks, even though he's objectively a misogynist. As an encore, he went crazy as a shithouse rat and lived out his days in his sister's attic. Zarathustra!

But life of the party? That's Heidegger:

We are ourselves the entities to be analysed. The Being of any such entity is in each case mine. These entities, in their Being, comport themselves towards their Being. As entities with such Being, they are delivered over to their own Being. Being is that which is an issue for every such entity.

Follow that? Read it again. Eventually it makes sense.

10/5/06 7:50 PM  
Blogger t(h)om said...

i'm following the flock and raining down tortured grumblings to break the comment drought.

but, i never really got too much into nietzche.

so i'll just say this: i read your blog again, guys. when i should be working.

cause that's all you care about, right, boys? readership? numbers? your fancy madison avenue marketing schemes? oh, and by the way, i think you're both assholes.

11/5/06 9:36 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home