Wednesday, December 06, 2006

My name is Ryan, and I don't have the internet

Not having the internet is sometimes hard. And for you, lovely friend, for someone who is actively reading this blog, and, if I may be so presumptuous, someone who is actively reading a lot of blogs (because, let's be honest, gentle reader, Wry and Stanley is not your only stop whilst you should be working (although it might as well be!)) - for you, not having the internet is unfathomable.

But I do it, friend! I make the sacrifice, and it only affects my life in that I am now no longer connected to any form of media whatsoever, because I don't watch TV, and I don't get the newspaper, and, while I do get Time and Newsweek and Money, I don't read them. They just sit on the coffee table. So when you mention that Mexico has a new King, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. No joke. I am no longer connected with any other human being sans those who choose to see me face-to-face, which is a remarkable few. In that way, and in many others, I'm like your grandmom.

When I do use the internet, though, it's like a big deal. I write down the sites I want to visit all week, planning how I'll use my web time when I mooch cable modems off my friends and loved ones. I make mental notes of things I need to do online. Buy Christmas presents, check out vaccine information, look at the coast of Norway on Google Earth - those were the things for today. But I didn't do any of them.

Because when I get down to the nitty gritty, it's like I've forgotten how to use websites. I check my email, sure, and I check this blog (and sometimes update (but not as much as you'd like)) and then I stare at and don't know what to do. When I was in college (and had internet) I could spend months perusing ebay or talking shit on AIM, but now I get 7 minutes into my internet time and just want to read. Read! WTF?


Blogger LC said...

you kiss like a grandmom, too >:P

7/12/06 10:27 AM  
Blogger Stanley said...

LC, having created the greatest thing* to come out of this blog thus far and forevermore amen, simultaneously demarcates the apex, from which this blog, henceforth, descends toward mediocrity.

*Notwithstanding the emoticon, which is, despite itself, a factor in the greatness.

8/12/06 1:59 AM  
Blogger LC said...

In an New York Times interview in April 1969, Alden Whitman asked writer Vladimir Nabokov: "How do you rank yourself among writers (living) and of the immediate past?" Nabokov answered, "I often think there should exist a special typographical sign for a smile — some sort of concave mark, a supine round bracket, which I would now like to trace in reply to your question."
(compliments of the great Wikipedia research team)

8/12/06 1:54 PM  
Blogger Stanley said...

A grad student relying on Wikipedia for her research? Wow. This descent into mediocrity is going faster than I thought. [/kidding!]

Your first comment remains awesome.

8/12/06 6:35 PM  

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