Mental, Dental

I don't avoid going to the dentist because of pain. In fact, it rarely if ever hurts, for my dental specialist is a gentle, gentle soul. Rather, I avoid going to the dentist because I always imagine the visit will go something like:

Dentist: [examines chart] Hm. Yep. You're a terrible person.
Me: I am?
D: Yep, no doubt abou it.
M: Oh...
D: Probably the worst person I've ever met, actually.
M: Oh. Well, uh, is there anything you can do for me?
D: Ha! Yeah right. [throws down bill for $700; walks away cackling]

Of course, in reality, he's much liklier to tell me, "Sure, no problem, in and out in under an hour, oh, and you know what? I can't use this plane ticket to Bora Bora, would you like to have it? Here are the keys to my beach house there."

Because my dentist is that cool.