Wednesday, October 24, 2007


My roommates' cat is named as if he has a military rank. Let us call him Leftenant.

Leftenant is not a very nice cat. He doesn't, for instance, like to cuddle lovingly on your lap, purring away the evening while you sip down a bottle of Shiraz. He's likelier to wile away the night, scowling beneath a table, emerging only to eat or to cackle at you, "MWAH!" (which means, "Let me the fuck out already, you bastard").

I think he suffers from Asperger syndrome, even if diagnosing the disorder on the basis of a quick wikipedia read is more than a bit oversimplified. Oh, and he's a cat. Let us simply say he's got Catsperger syndrome and call it even.

Leftenant likes to hang out in my room. Maybe because it's dark, and I'm never really in there except to sleep. The comfortable array of clothes strewn about the floor must be inviting, too. Like that red T-shirt that's in front of my dresser right now. He'd love to sleep there. In a very dark room. So that when I go in to get something from my dresser I step on him awkwardly and hard.

"MWAAAAAAAAAA!" he said (which means, "You FUCK! FUCK! OW! FUCK! OWWWWWWWWW! FUCK!").

And now he's looking at me with distrust and boiling rage.

The data suggests that people with Asperger syndrome are not disposed to violent behavior. But cats? I guess we'll find out tonight.

If I make it through the night alive.

(Sorry, Leftenant!)


Blogger Jon said...

Yeah, I'm much more fond of Shmagel; although Leftenant does protect us from all the other neighborhood cats. Carrie calls his weird second belly a "foopa".

25/10/07 3:50 AM  
Blogger The Neoskeptic said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

25/10/07 4:17 PM  
Blogger The Neoskeptic said...

leftenant cat swearz a lot.


25/10/07 4:18 PM  

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