I'm It!
I was tagged! By my very own co-blogger! What a dick!
1) At the ripe age of 17, I got me a case of epilepsy. This means that when I go cosmic bowling, and all the strobe lights start going crazy, I fall on the floor and convulse and squirm around just like a fish out of water, or Stanley having sex. This is a fun affliction to have because nobody can ever tell you why you have it, or what it is, or anything about it, really, other than that it is probably to blame for me being able to memorize pi to the seven hundredth digit. No joke, kiddies.
2) I also ran away from home once, Stanley. And I remember packing my suitcase full of all my Little League and pinewood derby trophies. And I wasn't sure which was going to be more important in my new life: merit badges or the bowling pin I got for having my birthday party at the bowling alley. I think I almost made it around the block. Who likes bold? Me too.
3) I never wanted to be a priest, because I like sex, but I did, at some point during my career as a Sunday School student, cheat on a test about Jesus just so I could get a glow in the dark cross. I hadn't studied for the test, so I had to cheat. You know how it is. Just like college. As I recall, I lost the cross on the car ride home, which sucks, because I'm going to hell for that, and I never really even got to play with it.
4) I don't mind shaking hands, but I never touch the door knobs on the insides of public bathrooms. It doesn't take much of an imagination to realize what kind of hands have been touching that knob. Hands that don't wash themselves after peeing. That's what kind.
5) In college, my roommate and I listened to Dark Side of the Moon before going to bed every night for an entire semester. It was deep.
1) At the ripe age of 17, I got me a case of epilepsy. This means that when I go cosmic bowling, and all the strobe lights start going crazy, I fall on the floor and convulse and squirm around just like a fish out of water, or Stanley having sex. This is a fun affliction to have because nobody can ever tell you why you have it, or what it is, or anything about it, really, other than that it is probably to blame for me being able to memorize pi to the seven hundredth digit. No joke, kiddies.
2) I also ran away from home once, Stanley. And I remember packing my suitcase full of all my Little League and pinewood derby trophies. And I wasn't sure which was going to be more important in my new life: merit badges or the bowling pin I got for having my birthday party at the bowling alley. I think I almost made it around the block. Who likes bold? Me too.
3) I never wanted to be a priest, because I like sex, but I did, at some point during my career as a Sunday School student, cheat on a test about Jesus just so I could get a glow in the dark cross. I hadn't studied for the test, so I had to cheat. You know how it is. Just like college. As I recall, I lost the cross on the car ride home, which sucks, because I'm going to hell for that, and I never really even got to play with it.
4) I don't mind shaking hands, but I never touch the door knobs on the insides of public bathrooms. It doesn't take much of an imagination to realize what kind of hands have been touching that knob. Hands that don't wash themselves after peeing. That's what kind.
5) In college, my roommate and I listened to Dark Side of the Moon before going to bed every night for an entire semester. It was deep.
posted by Ryan at 23:33
2 Comments:
fall on the floor and convulse and squirm around just like a fish out of water, or Stanley having sex
Blogging your sex fantasies is really rather unbecoming, Ryan.
dark side is totally deep.
i did my "five things" over at the neoskeptic.
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