Three Day Guest Pass
On rare occasion, Ryan (your second favorite blogger (ever!)) climbes out of the moldy, dark caves he labors within, cringes under the oppressive Sun, and then drives to the local ski resort to teach a class on winemaking and eat a five course meal with forty sectarian couples who pay Ryan for his company, and then when the dinner is over they usually buy him drinks and, more or less, want him to be their son. This week marked one such occasion.
Here is a fairly representative snippit of me teaching:
Ryan: So once we've got the juice all squeezed out of our white grapes, we're going to move it to a tank, which can be done a number of ways and I will get into that in a moment. Once the grape juice is in the tank, though, it's going to chill for at least -
Ma'am: Excuse me, Ryan, but do you know where we've got to go to get our three day guest passes for the golf course?
Ryan: No. No, I don't. You'd have to ask -
Ma'am: Because yesterday I went to Guest Services and spent at least twenty minutes waiting for the receptionist to aknowledge my presence. She told us to go to the main offices, but they weren't open. Then we went to the check-in building, but they weren't open, either. By then it was time for my massage. And so what I'm saying is what do I have to do to get my three day golf course guest pass?
Ryan: I really don't know. You'd have to ask somebody who works here. What I can tell you is that we're going to let our white grape juice chill over night. This is called the cold soak. The purpose of the cold soak is -
Sir: Can you beleive it, though? We came here to play golf We didn't come here to jump through hoops all day. If we can't get our three day guest passes, why wouldn't we just leave? And if we stay till Sunday, which we wouldn't have to do if it weren't for all this incompetance, it's going to fucking rain. Rain, Ryan! It's supposed to rain!
Ryan: Well, sir, I can ask the activities manager after our seminar -
Sir: Fucking rain, Ryan!
Ryan: Would you like -
Sir: Fuck rain! Fuck it!
Comparatively, here is a snippit of me speaking at the end of the dinner, after four of the courses:
Ryan: And so this last wine is our port, which is very special. What's special about port wine is that we make a basically normal red wine, and then we add a lot of brandy. which kicks the alchohol up to about 40 proof.
Entire Group: (heartfelt, standing ovation)
Here is a fairly representative snippit of me teaching:
Ryan: So once we've got the juice all squeezed out of our white grapes, we're going to move it to a tank, which can be done a number of ways and I will get into that in a moment. Once the grape juice is in the tank, though, it's going to chill for at least -
Ma'am: Excuse me, Ryan, but do you know where we've got to go to get our three day guest passes for the golf course?
Ryan: No. No, I don't. You'd have to ask -
Ma'am: Because yesterday I went to Guest Services and spent at least twenty minutes waiting for the receptionist to aknowledge my presence. She told us to go to the main offices, but they weren't open. Then we went to the check-in building, but they weren't open, either. By then it was time for my massage. And so what I'm saying is what do I have to do to get my three day golf course guest pass?
Ryan: I really don't know. You'd have to ask somebody who works here. What I can tell you is that we're going to let our white grape juice chill over night. This is called the cold soak. The purpose of the cold soak is -
Sir: Can you beleive it, though? We came here to play golf We didn't come here to jump through hoops all day. If we can't get our three day guest passes, why wouldn't we just leave? And if we stay till Sunday, which we wouldn't have to do if it weren't for all this incompetance, it's going to fucking rain. Rain, Ryan! It's supposed to rain!
Ryan: Well, sir, I can ask the activities manager after our seminar -
Sir: Fucking rain, Ryan!
Ryan: Would you like -
Sir: Fuck rain! Fuck it!
Comparatively, here is a snippit of me speaking at the end of the dinner, after four of the courses:
Ryan: And so this last wine is our port, which is very special. What's special about port wine is that we make a basically normal red wine, and then we add a lot of brandy. which kicks the alchohol up to about 40 proof.
Entire Group: (heartfelt, standing ovation)
posted by Ryan at 20:21
3 Comments:
Sweet -- I did not know you were a vintner -- do you hang out with Froz Gobo? He is also a secondary blogger who posts infrequently and makes wine.
TMK: I'l go ahead and answer for Ryan, as he's likely again without the internets -- no, I don't think he knows Froz Gobo, though rumor has it, Ryan may soon be making wine much closer to Froz. So there's hope yet.
...please where can I buy a unicorn?
Post a Comment
<< Home