Saturday, July 29, 2006

Stoves are heavy and precarious

So I get home from work yesterday and all I want to do is change clothes and pee and brush my teeth and take a shower. That's all. Twenty minutes.

So I get home and walk in the door and there's my landlord in the living room trying to carry an entire stove with his big manual labor friend. The whole thing doesn't look particularly safe. They're carrying it lopsided and one of the corners is touching the carpet and there are veins daggering out of their foreheads. Stoves are heavy and precarious, is what I learned.

My landlord says, "So, yeah, now you have a stove."
"Yeah. Awesome," I say.
We stand and look at the stove. It's big and white and new. I grab a corner. We move it some.
"When are you moving out?" he says.
"Probably tomorrow," I say. "Maybe the next day."
We stand and look at the stove. It's now in the kitchen. We put it in place and connect the gas pipe.
"OK," he says. "Well, there's your new stove."
"Awesome," I say.

Then I go into the bathroom to pee and brush and the toilet has been taken out of the ground and placed squarely in the middle of the bathtub. And the sink is gone. And I can't find my toothbrush.


Blogger Stanley said...

It's about time you got a stove.


*Does anyone know where Ryan lives nowadays?

30/7/06 3:23 AM  
Blogger LC said...

I can now sympathize with you, Ryan: I came home today to find a porcelain explosion in my front yard. It looked as if someone had chucked our toilet off our roof, which in turn splintered said toilet into millions of porcelain shards, but with the lid and seat completely in tact (it's actually kinda cool lookin'). I proceed inside, and confirm that, indeed, broken toilet outside was seemingly-well-working toilet one is home to provide an explanation, no note of any sort, no sign that I will be able to pee again in my bathroom anytime soon.

moral of the story: build an outhouse.

31/7/06 5:30 PM  
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11/11/06 1:13 AM  

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